No Turnin' Dead Sexy by being an Audacious Bad Bastard.....

Due to the recent work done on me old mucker Pig's projects, such as his tribute to our mutual "acquaintane" Jamie Doyle, he has spurred me on to start organising and talking about my body of work. And, given that I've worked with him on more things than most, I value his opinions. On film-based things, if not how to handle social situations with attractive women. I jest...... 1. "No Turnin' Back" - A project, like all of my flicks so far, born of neccessity, yet it's the one that has retained the most emotional ressonance with me, and it's the one I am most happy with and had the most craic shooting. I knocked out the script in a few days, following a day and a half in the life of three 17 year old lads, as they handle women problems and bickering amongst each other. It lays down some of the traits that will mark my work from then on in: copious improvisation; a semi-verité feel (before I knew what that poncy French term meant) and the theme of man's hapless struggle against the female race. It also marked the first appearance onscreen of the persona I have, to be frank, been trading on ever since: that of the sleazy, arrogant but clueless lecher. The other main parts are filled out by the stellar Stephen Morris, who blows his "leading man" part out of the park, and me old mucker Ryan O'Hara playing the laid-back "best friend" role he'd carry on into "Dead Sexy". Supporting roles are filled by my go-to actress at the time Emma Doyle and my mate Gearóid O'Briain in the first of two parts they'd play in my films. Anna Martin plays the bi-sexual girlfriend of Ben, Steve's character, and Eoin O'Grady plays his smarmy love rival. It's my most fully formed film, and one which I hold up all the rest to. It also has a last minute appearance by a Mr. Considine...... 2. "Dead Sexy" - The black sheep of my lot, and one which I hated shooting, editing and watching. Until I re-edited it, changed the soundtrack and grew to slightly appreciate it more. A black comedy about a failed relationship ending in a brutal murder, it saw Gearóid and Emma returning as a psycho hitman and bitch from hell with the smile of a angel, respectively. It also saw a scene-stealing cameo from Ryan, referencing his role in NTB (his part ended up being a combination of two parts, one of which Steve Morris couldn't play). The new adition to my stock company of actors is another director, Pádraic O'Byrne, playing a coked-up, Beethoven-loving wannabe gangsta, in a part he created himself and made his own. I was the bland, scumbag lead. Spaghetti Westerns are invoked, and the music video spoof would anticipate "Audacious". Tracking shots, Paul McGann songs, improv and rampant sexism are also the usuals on the menu. That would be all I filmed for almost a year, until finally: 3. "Audacious" - The third, and for now final, in my unofficial "Fistful of Fanny" trilogy (well, I just did), this is the most different to my last two films in that (a) I only show up in two brief appearances, and (b) nobody has any clue what the hell is going on. The first where I operated a camera myself, it was an almost entirely improvised film about a drunken, womanising stand-up comedian/wannabe director, played in a tour-de-force performance by the shameless Stephen Considine, in his attempts to shoot an adaption of Macbeth. I wrote several scenes, most of which now lie abandoned in favour of his rambling, drunken non-sequiters. It is the first time he has ever had to do something like this, and he truly steps up to the plate. He is supported by Luke Bulmer (who originally had many lines but saw them cut because it was pointed out he was funnier as a Silent Bob type); Ellen Whelan in the typical "bitchy" part; Mark McGann, my brother; myself playing twins (don't ask) and the almighty improviser that is Pádraic O'Byrne as a pretensious wanker of a singer-songwriter. Pádraic also contributed the beautiful main theme of the film, which is played throughout. The film is a mess, but to my mind an interesting one. For the most part it has the feel of a documentary, with pseudo-interview footage, concert footage and long takes of Conso spieling, intercut with dreamlike, time-hopping instances reflecting his state of mind. It's my most foul-mouthed, un-p.c. work to date. 4. "The Bad Beat" - The abandoned project, co-written and directed by myself and Seán Clancy. What footage exists of this includes some nice work from Steve and Luke, pre-"Audacious", with myself and Seán changing halfway through to play the main part. It also sees nice work from Dermot McKee as a cockney private detective. I intend to return to the script very soon to rewrite it, as there was some good stuff there. But for know, it wasn't to be.......